Skip navigation

Category Archives: About Tmaq

25% is a funny number.

25% is the number of people who simply would not go along with the Asch Conformity experiment.

25% is close to the number of people who would not go along with the Milgram Authority experiment. We might speculate that the extra stress of the pain and suffering made more people than usual relent (35%).

25% is the proportion of expressed recessive traits in a two-allele gene.

The funny thing about recessive genes is that they cannot be simply bred out.

In a typical Punnet Square, the quarter of the population expressing the recessive trait can be prevented from breeding, and half the population still carries the recessive allele, so they can still interbreed and bring out the recessive traits.

Recessive traits cannot be bred out.

Perhaps more to the point: killing all the non-conformists hasn’t ever actually made the population conform. Perhaps it’s because non-conformity is recessive.


Spencer said he’s a “Godologist.”kids_seats_logic

I said “Oh, yeah?”

To which he replied “Seriously, Dave, I’m trying to find out if God is real and when I tell my friends, they say I’m not supposed to use logic, and I say if God is real then he gave me the logic to use and if he isn’t, then he doesn’t care anyway.”

spock_tecnicalityHe was eight years old.

(…the same age Frederick Douglass figured out on his own that being a slave was total bullshit.)

Men and dogs…

Women and cats…

will eat almost anything

play with their food

like rough play

prefer affection or just being held

prefer comfort to style

groom constantly

get louder when angry

communicate with hints and looks

get dirty a lot

must always look good

bang into things

feel pain when they break a nail

enjoy car rides

lay in the sun

fuck up and get over it

meant to do that

Let their friends push them around

are complete opportunists

have smelly and/or stupid friends

need their space

play with their genitals in public

torment weak adversaries

like bitches

are nosy

have no fashion sense

can’t catch a ball

are players 24 / 7

need their alone time

have no shame

look weird without hair


Now you’ve been warned:

The following is 100% true. I wish it weren’t

what_theMembers of the East Lansing Police force learned recently that they no longer had to rely on disorderly conduct charges to keep local residents from having fun. In a morning briefing early this week, it was revealed that East Lansing does in fact have an ordinance which prohibits Frisbee-playing in the streets. This reporter’s knowledge of the law is a direct result of illegal frisbee tossing (with intent) near the 500-block of M.A.C. Avenue.

At first, Rick* was warned to “get out of the street” by a passing officer. Knowing the propensity of the East Lansing police to be rather enthusiastic in their requests, if not their respect for the law, we decided that we should all stand on the sidewalks or patches of grass we call front lawns around here. Alas, that was not adequate, as we later learned, when ever-vigilant officer Joey* sped down M.A.C., parked in a ‘no parking from corner to here’ zone, turned on his lights, and apprehended Rick, who did not flee the scene.

rick_local_cop_mikeDuring the discussion, while Rick was being ‘run‘ by the computer, the officer pointed out that he had warned us, and that he thought it was very big of him, since he could have busted us right off the bat. He said we should speak to P.A.C.E. (Parking and Community Enforcement) about his parking, and told us the number of the ordinance disallowing frisbee-playing in the street (3.10a).

We had little time to talk, however, law enforcement requiring his total attention, except for parking or speeding, and ordered that we forfeit our right to watch him perform his duties in public, and watch he and Rick (who was put into the cruiser) from across the street. He said he would be happy to come over, once finished, and answer any questions I might have.

Though it was quite rude, and probably technically illegal, it did allow me an opportunity to abscond with the evidence (the frisbee), and to take some funny photographs of Mandy* flipping off the cop car.

mandyflipSeveral witnesses remarked on the fact that while Rick and the officer sat in the car (most likely discussing the dangers inherent in having any kinds of fun in East Lansing), a P.A.C.E enforcer drove up, stopped, spoke briefly to Officer Joey, and left. The cruiser remained in the ‘no-park’ zone. 20 minutes later, Rick was allowed to leave the vehicle, in possession of a brand new citation, charging him with violation of City Ordinance Number 3.10a.

It turns out that Officer Joey wouldn’t come over…I had to go back to the vehicle, and even so, he didn’t seem to be too happy about answering my questions. I learned that he had been with the force for about 1 year. Though he mentioned, again, that he had warned us, he didn’t seem to care that we had followed the letter of his instructions by getting out of the street. He claimed I should know better. I pointed out that even a relative rookie like himself should know how exacting laws, especially in East Lansing, can be with respect to wording and intent. He responded by claiming I had “an attitude” as evidenced by “uppity” questions and the fact that I was taking photos. I asked if he had a personal or professional problem with simple curiosity.

I did manage to learn that he had been briefed, along with most of his fellow officers, that very morning, about City Ordinance 3.10a, specifically. He further explained that ‘disorderly conduct’ was a valid charge against frisbee-use in the street, and that it covered everything from “spitting on the sidewalk to swearing in front of women and children.” I asked if it was also used, by himself or others, to intimidate or harrass people who were annoying or bothersome, but were otherwise acting in a perfectly legal and orderly fashion. It was at this point that he claimed that he had to “get going,” presumably to take care of some other highly important business.bloom_cig_police

Over the course of the subsequent week, I learned that this behavior with respect to frisbee playing was not unique. Several other local area residents had been challenged, or knew friends that had been cited, as well. Evidently, some crusader had done some research down at City Hall, and was endeavoring to put an end to this menace, which had plagued the city, doubtless since Frisbees had been invented. We can only hope that similar ordinances will be promulgated in the future, against football throwing, soccer ball kicking, or jump rope skipping, to prevent other dangerous ways of having fun in East Lansing. (Skateboarding is already illegal).

Each of the frisbee players had agreed to split the cost of Rick’s ticket, as it wasn’t right for one guy to cover the charge, when many had been tossing the disc. This turned out to be unnecessary, however. When Rick went to District Court 54-B to fight the charge, the District Attorney asked for a dismissal. He claimed “it would be an embarrassment to the city to continue its prosecution.” Thank goodness for the DAs alacrity, else more than just The City could have been embarrassed.

* Names have been changed to protect the guiltygrammar_police_officer

Bottle Gardeners


“How do you get all the plants in those little bottles?”  He was filthy, covered in old ice cream or something; maybe he was eight.  At least he didn’t smell.

           “Well, you use a funnel for the dirt, and a stick for the plants.  But you can’t just stuff the plants in there.  You have to dig a little hole for each one. That’s how you make a new one.  These ones have all been growing for a while.  The plants were a lot smaller when I put them in.”

           “Did you put any bugs or snakes in”?

           “The bugs usually invite themselves.  Big animals won’t survive, since there’s not much food for them.”

           “What about small animals?  They’d need less food, right?”

           “Look in there.  They’d have to be pretty darn small.”  He peered into one, appraising room for tenants.  He was silent a long time…for a kid.

           “Wow, it looks like a whole world in there!”

           “It is!”

           I was used to these kinds of questions after half a day at the fair.  There’s a magical aura about bottle gardens because the plants are so close to each other and because of the condensation on the glass.  The teeny plants that usually get overlooked in the wild reveal their beauty and elegance, put on intimate display. That’s how I’d convinced Joan to let me use some space in her booth, trying to sell them. Read More »

This originally appeared in The State News, Michigan State University’s student newspaper, on June 14, 1999.

I was the “community columnist” writing about the conviction of a student for inciting to riot during the MSU riots after they lost to Duke at home during the Spring of 1999: 

Judgement shows we are responsible for other’s actions

Eva Roberts, an MSU sophomore, spent 17 days in jail for showing her breasts in public. I think this ruling severely violated her. Her tearful confession of deviancy and willful agreement with the conviction and punishment makes the corruption more pure.

bootlikerCriminals, in George Orwell’s “1984,” thanked the police for ‘fixing’ them. Police states always run more smoothly with the consent of the enslaved and oppressed, as countless historical figures have proven.  I was disgusted and am ashamed that my city did this to her.

The ‘crime’ she committed has no victims, violates no rights and exists because of absurd ‘thinking’ on the part of the Michigan Legislature. The punishment Roberts suffered was due to others’ actions, and its severity was increased because of a crime she was not even charged with–inciting to riot.

Punishment of the innocent for others’ actions has been the hallmark of East Lansing’s strategy with riots. CedarFest was originally killed with police tape and ID checks, which were later ruled unconstitutional. The ironic joke is that it didn’t work–the riots are an out-growth of the same influences and mentality.

breastfeedingFirst of all, breasts aren’t dangerous, dirty or bad. Baby food, sexual gratification, fashion accessories and advertising are all considered good things by rational, expressive, free-market societies. Many cultures around the world, throughout history, had no nudity taboo. After all, if we were meant to walk around naked, we’d be born that way!

The law [in Michigan] mandates that all females in public must hide their nipples with an opaque covering, unless they are breast-feeding. But in that case, they already are hidden with an opaque covering!

two_out_of_threeThe motivation for the law is simple. Some people thought strip clubs were dangerous.  Michigan’s legislators, whether unable or unwilling to simply outlaw strip clubs, instead created the current law, the unjust nature of which is due to a double lie. First a tyrannical law is promulgated which is really aimed only at strip clubs, to be followed by the way it was ‘justified’ by generalizing it so everyone’s rights got trampled.

We were all born with nipples. Men’s and women’s nipples are basically the same, so the law is patently discriminatory. The difference between men’s and women’s breasts is the round, bulbous part, but it’s perfectly OK to show as much of that as you want!

The reason for nudity laws is because of the danger posed by other people’s reactions, originally the creation and patronage of strip joints. District Judge Richard Ball gave Roberts jail time because of the deterrent needed to prevent future riots. This implies that Roberts incited to riot, a far more serious charge than indecent exposure, which requires far more proof.

In reality, she probably distracted people who might otherwise have ignited furniture or barfed in flower-beds. Inciting means willfully getting people to riot. I think Roberts was just showing off.

But let’s say the crowd was egged on, that their power of choice was diminished. If they are in command of their senses, they are responsible for their actions. If they aren’t responsible for their choices–which must have been the case, since Roberts was responsible–then breasts drive people out of their minds! In that case the actual rioters should be not guilty by reason of insanity, and we should regulate the exposure of breasts in private, too.

If it was the atmosphere that made people insane enough to riot, then Roberts should be not guilty as well.

But people’s specific reaction to breasts isn’t the issue. For example, I had my friend Joey read this and he said, “I like breasts.”

That Roberts was held accountable for the actions of others is unacceptable. It supports a pointless taboo, punishes her for enjoying herself in a harmless and festive way and destroys the basis of morality.  After all, if our choices do not determine what happens to us, then it doesn’t matter what we do.

And, as long as we are responsible for each others actions, let’s just charge every student $6. Or just bill MSU. We could (virtually) track down all the attendees and charge them each $40.  This logic is dangerously flawed. Unfortunately, the rioters and the lawyers both use it.

For example, since East Lansing’s contradictory laws produce injustice, I’ll just break some guy’s window to show how frustrated and angry I am about it. It’s the same principle: Holding people responsible for choices they didn’t make.

At the Gunson Street fracas, tickets were issued to every house on the street, regardless of specific action by the residents. The people who called the cops (twice!) and guarded their couch (from drunks who intended to light it ablaze) received tickets, which means the cops expected them to keep others from damaging things. Their efforts failed to prevent the riot on their street, so they got tickets.

Therefore, East Lansing wants you to take the law into your own hands.

   I’ll be the guy in the mask.audre-lorde-masters